The Gathering Storm: How Loneliness, Disillusionment, and the "Armed and Ready" Mindset Converge for American Men
Insights from the State of American Men Report
From the stoic patriarch of a remote village to the slick "alpha male" influencer in a bustling city, from the young man navigating identity in a new culture to the seasoned professional reflecting on his legacy, men across the globe are shaped by a mosaic of expectations. They chase ideals of strength, provision, and unwavering resolve, which are often inherited from popular culture, family histories, and societal norms. Yet, beneath this diverse tapestry, a quieter, often unspoken reality persists: these very ideals, when rigidly applied, can leave men feeling isolated, unfulfilled, and profoundly disconnected from their authentic selves and the people around them.
In recent years, a quiet but profound shift has been unsettling the landscape of men's experiences in America. We're witnessing a troubling confluence among men and women: growing isolation, a deep-seated political disillusionment, and an increasing readiness to embrace aggressive, even violent, solutions. These aren't isolated phenomena; they're deeply intertwined, creating a complex and urgent challenge for our society.
That’s why the "State of American Men 2025" report (SAMR) by Equimundo offers an insightful lens into these trends. Building on their 2023 findings, this study surveyed 2,454 men, women, and nonbinary individuals, offering a descriptive pulse check on economic stability, anxieties, social lives, and mental health across the United States. Interviews with 32 fathers from diverse backgrounds enrich survey findings.
First, the report confirms a profound sense of economic anxiety among men, deeply intertwined with their mental health, their views on masculinity, and even their political leanings. But this isn't just a story of challenges; it's also a testament to the powerful desire men have for purpose, connection, and well-being. Below, I’ll focus on three specific, interconnected forces highlighted in this report: the epidemic of male loneliness, the pervasive desire to "tear it all down" politically, and the alarming rise of an "armed and ready" mindset. I'll explore how economic anxiety and restrictive masculinity fuel these currents, and critically, how we can foster a healthier, more connected future. This isn't about blaming or shaming, but about understanding the very real pressures men face and advocating for systemic changes that benefit everyone. Within each section, I wanted to highlight the vital work of organizations like Equimundo, the American Institute of Boys and Men (AIBM), Global Action on Men's Health (GAMH), Movember, and Futures Without Violence, who are actively seeking positive and prosocial ways to engage men and boys.
The Echo Chamber of Loneliness: Why Men Feel Disconnected
The U.S. Surgeon General has declared an "epidemic of loneliness", and the SAMR shows men are disproportionately affected. Loneliness levels, especially for young men, have risen every year between 1976 and 2019 (2025, p. 29). This isn't just about being alone; it's a profound feeling of being fundamentally disconnected.
Why this isolation? Traditional masculine ideals of self-reliance and invulnerability often prevent men from seeking help or expressing vulnerability. This creates an internal barrier to genuine connection. As Niobe Way, a leading researcher on boys' development, asserts, "Boys know by late adolescence that their close male friendships, and even their emotional acuity, put them at risk of being labeled girly, immature, or gay... These boys mature into men who are autonomous, emotionally stoic, and isolated." The report's data is sobering: 53% of men agree, "No one really knows me". Nearly half, 48%, believe, "I think it's better if I keep some parts of myself hidden". And 47% feel, "My interests and ideas are not shared by those around me" (SAMR, p. 30). These numbers paint a picture of men feeling unseen, unheard, and misunderstood.
Perhaps most heartbreaking is the widespread sentiment among participants of this study that "no one cares if men are okay". A staggering 57% of the full sample (men and women) agreed with this, with the highest agreement among the youngest men (69% of 18-24 year olds) (SAMR, p. 32). This perceived lack of societal care deepens their isolation, suggesting a profound sense of being on their own in a world that seems indifferent to their struggles.
This profound disconnection isn't just emotional; it has severe mental health consequences. Men who report "no one knows me" are 2.2 times more likely to have had suicidal thoughts in the past two weeks. This link is even stronger for men battling economic anxiety (SAMR, p. 33). Even fathers, who often find purpose in caregiving, face heightened suicidal thoughts if they hold rigid ideas of fatherhood (5.2 times as likely) (SAMR, p. 34). As one father in the report articulated, kids often "look at you like you're Superman," but "we're like anyone else, we struggle, we have difficulties. None of us are Superman" (SAMR, p. 35). They just want to be seen as humans, not superheroes.
Examples of what’s being done: Addressing loneliness is paramount. Organizations like Equimundo actively work to promote healthier masculinities through initiatives like the Boyhood Initiative, which encourages aspirational ideas about manhood that embrace emotional openness and connection. Furthermore, AIBM advocates for policies and programs that foster social connection and holistic well-being for men and boys, recognizing loneliness as a critical public health issue. Movember also plays a vital role here, focusing on men's mental health and suicide prevention, encouraging crucial conversations, and developing programs like MindMoves to build mental resilience.
The Roots of Disillusionment: Economic Anxiety and the Call to "Tear It All Down"
The report makes it clear: economic anxiety is at the forefront of men's worries. This isn't merely financial stress; it fundamentally disrupts men's social identities, which have historically been anchored in the provider role. When that foundation feels unstable, it cuts to the heart of a man's sense of self and self-esteem. An astounding 86% of men surveyed chose "providing for my family" as a top trait of manhood (SAMR, p. 10).
The "American dream" of homeownership, career fulfillment, and financial security feels increasingly out of reach. For men 25 and older, less career fulfillment correlates with less purpose in life (SAMR, p. 13). A majority of men (75%) feel it's much harder for their generation to achieve financial security than their fathers' generation (SAMR, p. 12). This disillusionment is palpable. Many fathers feel like "wallet dads" (SAMR, p. 11), and a significant portion of men (61%) feel their jobs don't even give them status or reputation (SAMR, p. 12).
This pervasive economic frustration manifests politically. Men facing economic uncertainty are more than twice as likely to support "strongman" political views. The sentiment is clear: they are frustrated enough to support leaders who would "tear it all down". One respondent noted, "A president that tears it all down is the only way forward" (SAMR, p. 40).
This disillusionment extends to distrust in democratic institutions themselves. A striking 76% of men agree that "Most elected officials don't care about what people like me think". Alarmingly, 57% of men surveyed agree that "The US would be a better place with a strong leader in charge who doesn't bother with elections" (SAMR, p. 40). This reflects a profound erosion of faith in traditional governance and a yearning for decisive, if undemocratic, leadership.
The influence of online "manosphere" beliefs further amplifies this political shift. Men who endorse these narratives, often encountered in isolated online spaces, are three times more likely to endorse "strongman" politics (SAMR, p. 41). This highlights a dangerous feedback loop where personal anxiety is funneled into political extremism.1
Behind these statistics are very real anxieties. Many dads express profound worry about their children's financial futures, feeling that "the deck is stacked against them" (SAMR, p. 42). As one father lamented, "I'll never be able to afford to buy a house, I can't afford to get married, I can't afford to have kids. It's hard to be on their side when they feel so ripped off and so angry" (SAMR, p. 42). This personal concern often transcends political divides, as parents across the spectrum voice pervasive distrust in political leaders.
Organizations like GAMH (Global Action on Men's Health) and AIBM recognize the global nature of these anxieties and advocate for policies that address root causes, promoting global and national initiatives that foster economic stability and counter harmful narratives that contribute to political extremism.
The Dangerous Confluence: From Disconnection and Distrust to "Armed and Ready"
The report reveals a sobering reality: for many men, being "armed and ready" is a current state of being. Whether this is just about firearm ownership or something greater, a richer understanding is necessary so that communities can find ways to call in men and women in ways that enrich their lives and reduce isolation.
The statistics are alarming (SAMR, pp. 48-49):
A surprisingly high number, 37% of men and 33% of women, agree with the goals of militias.
6% of men and 4% of women report being part of a militia.
Firearm ownership is high: 27% of men and 23% of women own a firearm. Among firearm owners, a significant portion own an AR-15 (30% of men, 19% of women).
This "armed and ready" mindset doesn't exist in a vacuum. It's the alarming culmination of the loneliness and political disillusionment discussed above (and in other blogs on my Substack).
Loneliness and Online Echo Chambers: When men feel disconnected and unheard in their real lives, they often seek community online. These spaces, however, can become echo chambers for harmful narratives that reinforce exclusionary "Man Box" ideals (Heilman, 2017). Studies have found that 59% of boys are led to content promoting negative, often misogynistic content content through innocent and unrelated searches due to AI algorithms (Vodafone, 2024). This suggests that the search for belonging, when misdirected, has the potential to lead to the embrace of aggressive ideologies and the tools to act on them.
Political Distrust and Violence: The "tear it all down" impulse may be fueled by this. When trust in elected officials, legal systems, and even the news media plummets, the appeal of alternative, often aggressive, forms of power grows. The report shows clear links between firearm ownership and lower rates of trust across various public institutions: 26% lower trust in Congress, 25% lower in legal systems, 24% lower in local government, and 32% lower in news media (2025, p. 51). Furthermore, recent research by Wintemute et al. (2024) on gun ownership and leanings toward political violence in unstable times reveals important nuances. While overall differences between firearm owners and non-owners in general support for political violence are modest (owners are approximately 7 percentage points more likely to consider violence justified for political objectives), more decisive differences emerge within the gun-owning population. Owners who recently purchased firearms, frequently carry loaded firearms, and own assault-type rifles report greater support for political violence. For instance, gun carriers were 11 to 19 percentage points more likely to report that force or violence is justified to advance a political objective compared with non-carriers. These findings converge with other trends, including sharp increases in gun purchases and firearm violence between 2015 and 2021, and during COVID-19, adding to a combustible mix amidst civil turmoil and increasing political polarization. This signals a profound disconnect from the very institutions designed to ensure order and safety, leading some to believe they must protect themselves.
The Man Box's Violent Underbelly: The report finds that 15% of all sampled men were both in the "Man Box" (endorsing restrictive masculine norms) and owned a firearm (SAMR, p. 50). This striking correlation suggests that for a significant portion of men, adherence to these norms may involve an endorsement of using violence to achieve goals. While the rationalizations for gun ownership across the U.S. are complex and multifaceted, encompassing genuine interest, personal or family history with firearms, and a desire for protection, the data imply a deeper connection. As described above, some gun owners have profound feelings of disempowerment and distrust in a world that feels increasingly out of control, representing a perceived means of personal empowerment and control when facing uncertainty or threats. More nuanced information is needed to better understand these associations.
This dangerous confluence demands attention. We cannot address the symptoms (gun ownership, militia support) without addressing the root causes: financial insecurities, profound loneliness, a crisis of trust, and the damaging grip of restrictive masculinity. Efforts to inform the development of solutions must take an intersectional, not merely descriptive, approach – one that dives more deeply into the nuance of these factors, including the social context of family and the communities in which men engage others. Additionally, it must extend to altering broader social norms and political incentives to elevate trust in political systems (Kleinfeld, 2023).
The work of the AIBM, through their holistic approach to male well-being, is critical in addressing these dangerous trends by fostering emotional intelligence, healthy coping mechanisms, and constructive engagement over aggression. Equimundo’s broader work on challenging restrictive norms and promoting positive masculinities directly counters the ideologies that fuel this "armed and ready" mindset. Futures Without Violence, through initiatives like their "Coaching Boys into Men" curriculum, plays a crucial role in preventing violence by promoting healthier masculinities and respectful relationships from a young age.
The Path Forward: Rebuilding Connection, Purpose, and Trust
The report doesn't leave us without hope. It highlights critical pathways to purpose and connection, particularly through caregiving. Our collective response must be multi-faceted, targeting the underlying issues of loneliness, disillusionment, perceptions of threat, and be informed by a more nuanced understanding of aggression. This work must also mobilize around visions of the future that are positive, reflect shared and solvable problems, while leaning into the reality that despite political polarization, most Americans are less ideologically divided than they perceive (Kleinfeld, 2023).2
1. Fostering Genuine Connection:
Beyond Isolation: We must create environments where men feel safe to express vulnerability and build authentic relationships. This means promoting mentorship, community spaces, and even leveraging online platforms for positive connections. Equimundo's Link-up Lab (equimundo.org/link-up-lab) is a prime example, engaging influencers to tell stories of young men finding genuine connection and purpose online.
2. Restoring Purpose and Trust through Economic Security and Care Policies:
Alleviating Economic Burden: Yes, this is easier said than done. A core solution is to address the economic uncertainty that fuels so much anxiety and political frustration. This means advocating for policies that promote financial stability for all. Demanding progress on this front from political leaders is an essential first step. Several of the organizations listed above are working to this end.
The Power of Care Policies: Crucially, the report reveals overwhelming support for care policies among both men and women. This includes subsidized childcare, paid parental leave, and child tax credits. Men and women are willing to vote for these policies (SMAR, p. 54). This demonstrates a shared desire for pragmatic solutions that ease burdens and allow men to engage more fully in caregiving, a proven source of purpose. Global Action on Men's Health is a key advocate for such policies on a broader scale, recognizing their profound impact on men's well-being.
3. Redefining Strength and Challenging Harmful Norms:
Beyond the "Man Box": We must continue to challenge restrictive definitions of masculinity that lead to isolation, aggression, and distrust. This means engaging boys and men in conversations about aspirational manhood that values empathy, interdependence, and emotional expression. Equimundo's Boyhood Initiative and similar programs play a vital role here, fostering new ideas about what it means to be a man.
Building Trust: Addressing the "armed and ready" mindset requires rebuilding trust in public institutions. This comes through transparent governance, community engagement, and ensuring that systems serve all citizens fairly. AIBM's work in promoting the overall well-being of men and boys includes fostering civic engagement and trust in democratic processes.
A United Front: As the report highlights, dads across party lines are less interested in polarization and more interested in seeing their kids thrive (SAMR, p. 56). This shared aspiration provides fertile ground for building common agendas that benefit everyone, transcending the divisive rhetoric that fuels the "tear it all down" impulse.
Conclusion: A Path Towards Connected Strength
The SAMR offers a stark but necessary warning: the interconnected forces of loneliness, political disillusionment, and an "armed and ready" mindset pose significant threats to men's (and women’s) well-being and societal stability.
But it also provides a roadmap for new opportunities. By addressing economic anxieties, fostering genuine human connection, actively challenging restrictive masculinities, and implementing supportive care policies, we can steer away from division and despair.
This is a call for compassionate action. Let's champion initiatives that help men find purpose in caregiving, build authentic relationships, and trust in a shared future. By understanding the complex landscape, we can work together to cultivate a more resilient, connected, and truly strong masculinity for all American men, and for the benefit of our entire society.
References
Gupta, T., Barker, G., & Lewis, C. (2025). State of American Men 2025. Equimundo: Center for Masculinities and Social Justice.
Kleinfeld, R. (2023). Polarization, Democracy, and Political Violence in the United States: What the Research Says. Carnegie Endowment for International Peace.
Heilman, B., Barker, G., & Harrison, A. (2017). The Man Box: A study on being a young man in the US, UK, and Mexico. Equimundo & Unilever.
Way, N. (2011). The Crisis of Connection: Adolescent Boys’ Friendships and the Contradictions of Masculinity. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 21(1), 158-175.
Wintemute GJ, Crawford A, Robinson SL, et al. Firearm ownership and support for political violence in the United States. JAMA Netw Open. 2024;7(4):e243623. doi:10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2024.3623.
I anticipate that the authors will provide more information is on the “manosphere beliefs” scale validation, including factor loadings and the items associations with the outcome variables of interest (see: SAMR, p. 37).
Although this piece and the recommendations are male-focused, many women would also benefit from increased levels of institutional trust, financial stability, and improved inter-personal engagement. I anticipate that over time, my writing will move toward a less “gendered” focus, while balancing the need for, and benefits of, intersectional approaches and interventions.
I'm wary of this assumption/connection: "The report finds that 15% of all sampled men were both in the "Man Box" (endorsing restrictive masculine norms) and owned a firearm (SAMR, p. 50). This striking correlation suggests that for a significant portion of men, adherence to these norms may involve an endorsement of using violence to achieve goals." I say that because I am married to a man (in this 60s) who likely endorses the "Man Box" (in large part b/c when & where & how he grew up) & owns guns, but not at all because he endorses violence to achieve goals -- it's b/c he's a hunter. As are many of the men around here, who also both endorse the "Man Box" & own firearms. I agree it's a data point worth paying attention too, but I think we need to tease out the threads a bit more - & suspect that there are at least 2 distinct strains of men who endorse the "Man Box" & own guns.